1. I grew up in the midwest. I am always going to wait an awkwardly long time at a door to hold it open for the next person who is perfectly capable of doing it on their own. I will stand up on public transportation to let a senior citizen or mom with children sit down, despite the young men around me who continue to sit and "not see them", I will thank you for something tiny until it is uncomfortable for you, and I will never take the last ANYTHING without offering it to you first.
2. I was raised Catholic. No matter how "modern" your parish is, there is still some layer of guilt that comes with Catholicism. I remember going into confession and admitting that I stepped on my brothers toe on purpose and "talked back" to my mom. In addition to 10 Hail Marys and 3 Our Fathers, I'd have to do three kind acts for my brother, wash dishes, fold laundry, and set the table for a week. It was obvious that if I didn't learn to be kind all the time, I'd end up doing all the chores in my house. Our priests would encourage us for lent to "be kinder" and "smile at strangers" rather than give up chocolate or TV.
3. I was a Girl Scout. "On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country, to help people at all times, and to live by the Girl Scout law."
Because of this, I've grown up to be the type of person who really thinks before they speak to anybody, sure to deliver news kindly and respond politely. I listen to people tell the same story or piece of advice I've heard 6 times because saying "I know" is rude. I apologize to furniture after bumping into it. When I first met my mother-in-law, I actually made her uncomfortable with how many times I thanked her for things like ice cream (she'll never admit it, she's very polite herself- but I could tell/Simon told me to knock it off). I think most people in my upbringing would admit the same- I certainly see these characteristics in most people who grew up in Illinois / Minnesota / Iowa / Wisconsin / etc. All of the friends I grew up with went into careers that serve- nursing, counseling, teaching, hospitality, etc. We can't help ourselves- its in our blood.
This isn't to say that I'm perfect and have never been mean or rude- far from it. But those instances have been intentional (which is, actually, worse). I've been jealous, hurt, scared, angry, a teenager- all of the things that send us into a bad place and make us want to treat people poorly.
The point is, I put a lot of thought into my interactions with other people- its part of the way I was raised. The problem is, I chose not to spend my entire life in the midwest. Since graduating from college, I've travelled around Europe, moved to Australia, moved to Connecticut, and met people from around the world. Even if I had stayed, I would have encountered people who were either immune to the way they were raised or were imports from other parts of the country/world.
When I was 16 years old, I had a foreign exchange student come stay with me from Germany, she was a great person and I could have learned a lot from her. Unfortunately, I thought she was rude and I closed my mind (typical teenager). My German teacher, German family members, and others in general tried to tell me that they have different customs and standards of politeness in different parts of the world. Just because she didn't thank me three times for taking her to the movies, didn't mean she wasn't grateful. It just wasn't the way she was brought up. Looking back, I'm positive she was grateful. She brought me gifts from Germany, came to work with me and helped out even though she wasn't getting paid, and was interested in spending time with my boyfriend and friends. Her customs were just so foreign (literally) to me that I couldn't get past it and take her for who she is. Fast forward 8 years and I live in Fairfield County, Connecticut. I've met some great people here, but again, customs are different here on the East coast and in a totally different socioeconomic climate than I was raised in. Its taken a lot of adjusting and I still get caught off guard sometimes wondering why some people aren't nicer.
I can be sensitive and tender and wear my heart on my sleeve. I put a lot of thought into the way I treat people, and I expect the same out of them. That is my mistake. This simply is not something that should be an expectation. Most people DON'T think about the way their actions/tone/words will make you feel. When they are "rude", its not conscious. When they don't hold the door for you, offer you the last cookie, or speak in a kind tone- it has nothing to do with you. Its not because they are selfish or rude or dislike you- in general, people just don't think much about other people. This can leave people like me feeling bruised. We have to take a step back and remind ourselves that it has NOTHING to do with us.
I'm sure that my sensitivity and good-heartedness has made other people see me as weak. I'm okay with that. I hope I never lose the part of me that cares about how I make other people feel even if that means I expect the same of others and sometimes feel hurt because of it. As long as I can remind myself that their actions have nothing to do with me. It takes bravery to continue to interact with people who are totally different from you. It takes courage to continue a relationship after that person has made you feel hurt. And it is absolutely daring to ask somebody "Have I done something to hurt our relationship?" or "Is there a reason you're treating me unkindly?" It's okay to have a big heart, to be open about your feelings, and to continue to do what you feel is right despite your surroundings. If you are a sensitive person, I hope you continue to be. Sensitivity is not weakness, sensitivity is being receptive to the actions of others. The key is to remember that 90% of the time, other peoples' actions have nothing to do with you, so brush yourself off and move on.
"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride in that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." -Kurt Vonnegut
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