Suffering, Acceptance, & Letting Go

Unfortunately, this blog won't have any funny stories or pretty yoga tutorials. This is a subject that I'm serious about, something that has personally affected my entire life, and something I've only recently begun to truly overcome. Its hard for me to write, but I think its important.

I'm not going to get into any details, but I'm part of an unfortunate group of people whose childhoods' were clouded by trauma. When I think back on my childhood I remember a million more good times than bad. That doesn't stop the trauma from affecting me to this day. I'm not going to share details for two reasons: 1. The privacy of myself and anybody else involved. 2. I don't believe in comparing tragedies. Most people have something big to deal with; to them, their trauma is life changing. Its all relative- I don't want to make anybody feel their their issues are more or less significant than mine. Because they aren not, everybody has to play the hand they're dealt.

I spent a lot of my life feeling inadequate, unpretty, not enough, beneath people, sad, panicked, on the verge of tears, overwhelmed, victimized, out of control. I let what happened to me rule my life. To me, I wasn't Holly who was a sister, a daughter, a ballerina, a straight A student, a cheerleader, an American, a friend, a vegetarian, a million other things and also the victim of something unfortunate. I was a victim, who happened to be name Holly and somehow squeezed all of those other things in on top of the victimization. I became my story. I let it get in the way of forming relationships, taking advantage of opportunities, being myself, and living freely.

I didn't think of myself as important enough to share what happened to me with anybody until I was 17 years old. I let it eat me up inside throughout my entire childhood and teen years. When I finally let it out, it was a huge release. I could finally talk to somebody, cry to somebody, give somebody a little bit of insight into why I acted the way I did. It was a first step of many, I was no longer so incredibly ashamed that I could tell a few people who I trusted very much. Over the next six years, I lingered in that stage. I was still unhappy, I still felt incredibly shameful, I had panic attacks, and didn't have a great self image. I had a few people I could speak about it with, but I was not yet in control of my happiness or self worth.

Two years ago, I made another big change. I found enough courage to release somebody from my life who was a huge source of anguish. The few people who knew about my past wondered why that wasn't the first thing that I did. How could I continue to face somebody who stole so much from me? I couldn't answer that question at the time. I can now. It took me years, but I finally realized that what happened was not my fault. I did not need to feel shame, I did not need to bear responsibility. My feelings and worth are legitimate and important, I have the ability to make the changes in my life to let myself heal and be happy. This step made a world of difference in my life. My nightmares dwindled, my panic attacks decreased, my happiness increased, I felt better. But I was still dragging my story around with me.

 I honestly can't remember what the conversation was about but at one point in the middle of my yoga teacher training, something triggered me. I couldn't stay any longer because a big breakdown was coming on. I went home, snuck in the house, and cried for hours. It was the first big breakdown like this I had in a long time. I just let it all out. I decided it was time to really heal, I couldn't live like this anymore. I did some research and found a support group. I was ready to go that week. Simon drove me and offered to wait in the car just in case I wanted to leave, but when we got there I couldn't find the meeting. The building was deserted and the contact person wasn't answering their phone. So, that seemed to be a really big fail. I tried to look at it the right way though- I made it to the next step, I was able to show up at that building, ready to continue my journey of healing. I planned to find another meeting but never ended up going. Honestly, I didn't need it anymore.

In showing up at that building, I proved to myself that I was ready to let go of all that bullish*t I dragged around for over 20 years. So I did. I decided that wasn't who I was anymore. It was just something that happened in my past. Since that time, a lot has changed: I believe in myself- I find myself doing things I could never have imagined before. I live in the moment. I find adventure. I seek my own happiness. I no longer play the victim. I don't use the past as an excuse. I'm independent. I feel strong and confident. Yes, I still have an occasional nightmare. I do still panic sometimes. But I can deal with it. I know the bad times are fleeting because I am not my story, I am just me.


I'm sharing this story to prove to you that it is possible to heal. Its possible to let your past be separate from who you are. You are NOT your stories. You are NOT a victim. Your actions, happiness, and health are your OWN responsibility. Don't use your past as an excuse to continue to be unhappy. I know its incredibly difficult. Many of us become addicts of pain and suffering. If we let our stories go, then who are we? Its scary. We think that, yes, holding on is painful but at least then we know who we are. Let me tell you, as long as you hold onto your suffering- you have no idea who you are. You don't know how beautiful and strong you can be.

This process is difficult and time consuming, letting go isn't easy. Letting go does not mean avoiding your pain. It doesn't mean that every time you enter suffering you go out with your friends or go sky diving or do a handstand to avoid it. It means finding deep acceptance in what is triggering your pain. It means knowing that what happened will never disappear- your past absolutely will not change and short of amnesia, you have a slim chance of forgetting it happened. Once you accept that, you need to decide that it can no longer control you. It can no longer be a crutch, an excuse, or who you are. Moving on means finding who you actually are beyond a victim, or at least trying to-- find what makes you happy, what doesn't, let go of people or places or items that aren't part of your path to happiness. You will face suffering again, it has a funny way of creeping up- but you can control it. Face your suffering and decide not to indulge it. It has no power over you. Then move the f--- on with what you were doing before it crept up on you.

If you are going through a hard time and need somebody to talk to- I'm available, whether or not we know each other personally. I can't guarantee that I can give advice, but sometimes just sharing your story to somebody who is willing to listen is enough to ease some pain. My personal e-mail address is hollyking1228@gmail.com

On Treating Others How You Want to be Treated (& expecting them to do the same)

Growing up the way that I did, I was cursed with kindness. I had three main factors working against me:

1. I grew up in the midwest. I am always going to wait an awkwardly long time at a door to hold it open for the next person who is perfectly capable of doing it on their own. I will stand up on public transportation to let a senior citizen or mom with children sit down, despite the young men around me who continue to sit and "not see them", I will thank you for something tiny until it is uncomfortable for you, and I will never take the last ANYTHING without offering it to you first.

2. I was raised Catholic. No matter how "modern" your parish is, there is still some layer of guilt that comes with Catholicism. I remember going into confession and admitting that I stepped on my brothers toe on purpose and "talked back" to my mom. In addition to 10 Hail Marys and 3 Our Fathers, I'd have to do three kind acts for my brother, wash dishes, fold laundry, and set the table for a week. It was obvious that if I didn't learn to be kind all the time, I'd end up doing all the chores in my house. Our priests would encourage us for lent to "be kinder" and "smile at strangers" rather than give up chocolate or TV.

3. I was a Girl Scout. "On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country, to help people at all times, and to live by the Girl Scout law."

Because of this, I've grown up to be the type of person who really thinks before they speak to anybody, sure to deliver news kindly and respond politely. I listen to people tell the same story or piece of advice I've heard 6 times because saying "I know" is rude. I apologize to furniture after bumping into it. When I first met my mother-in-law, I actually made her uncomfortable with how many times I thanked her for things like ice cream (she'll never admit it, she's very polite herself- but I could tell/Simon told me to knock it off). I think most people in my upbringing would admit the same- I certainly see these characteristics in most people who grew up in Illinois / Minnesota / Iowa / Wisconsin / etc. All of the friends I grew up with went into careers that serve- nursing, counseling, teaching, hospitality, etc. We can't help ourselves- its in our blood.

This isn't to say that I'm perfect and have never been mean or rude- far from it. But those instances have been intentional (which is, actually, worse). I've been jealous, hurt, scared, angry, a teenager- all of the things that send us into a bad place and make us want to treat people poorly.

The point is, I put a lot of thought into my interactions with other people- its part of the way I was raised. The problem is, I chose not to spend my entire life in the midwest. Since graduating from college, I've travelled around Europe, moved to Australia, moved to Connecticut, and met people from around the world. Even if I had stayed, I would have encountered people who were either immune to the way they were raised or were imports from other parts of the country/world.

When I was 16 years old, I had a foreign exchange student come stay with me from Germany, she was a great person and I could have learned a lot from her. Unfortunately, I thought she was rude and I closed my mind (typical teenager). My German teacher, German family members, and others in general tried to tell me that they have different customs and standards of politeness in different parts of the world. Just because she didn't thank me three times for taking her to the movies, didn't mean she wasn't grateful. It just wasn't the way she was brought up. Looking back, I'm positive she was grateful. She brought me gifts from Germany, came to work with me and helped out even though she wasn't getting paid, and was interested in spending time with my boyfriend and friends. Her customs were just so foreign (literally) to me that I couldn't get past it and take her for who she is. Fast forward 8 years and I live in Fairfield County, Connecticut. I've met some great people here, but again, customs are different here on the East coast and in a totally different socioeconomic climate than I was raised in. Its taken a lot of adjusting and I still get caught off guard sometimes wondering why some people aren't nicer.

I can be sensitive and tender and wear my heart on my sleeve. I put a lot of thought into the way I treat people, and I expect the same out of them. That is my mistake. This simply is not something that should be an expectation. Most people DON'T think about the way their actions/tone/words will make you feel. When they are "rude", its not conscious. When they don't hold the door for you, offer you the last cookie, or speak in a kind tone- it has nothing to do with you. Its not because they are selfish or rude or dislike you- in general, people just don't think much about other people. This can leave people like me feeling bruised. We have to take a step back and remind ourselves that it has NOTHING to do with us.

I'm sure that my sensitivity and good-heartedness has made other people see me as weak. I'm okay with that. I hope I never lose the part of me that cares about how I make other people feel even if that means I expect the same of others and sometimes feel hurt because of it. As long as I can remind myself that their actions have nothing to do with me. It takes bravery to continue to interact with people who are totally different from you. It takes courage to continue a relationship after that person has made you feel hurt. And it is absolutely daring to ask somebody "Have I done something to hurt our relationship?" or "Is there a reason you're treating me unkindly?" It's okay to have a big heart, to be open about your feelings, and to continue to do what you feel is right despite your surroundings. If you are a sensitive person, I hope you continue to be. Sensitivity is not weakness, sensitivity is being receptive to the actions of others. The key is to remember that 90% of the time, other peoples' actions have nothing to do with you, so brush yourself off and move on.

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride in that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." -Kurt Vonnegut

Chocolate Caramel Cookie Bars

Chocolate is literally an addictive food. When you eat chocolate, serotonin is released in your brain putting you in a better mood. Its the most craved food amongst women and pretty high up there for men too. Do you notice that you crave chocolate more when the weather is awful and you've been stuck inside? Or when you're PMSing? Or just plain sad? Your body knows that chocolate will release serotonin. Plus it's delicious. So there you go. Who doesn't want to be happier? Chocolate is great. But most of the chocolate bars you find in stores contain tons of sugar, lots of fat, and are piled high with garbage ingredients. Not so good. This will give you a sugar high, then leave you tired. You'll gain weight. You'll fill your body with chemicals. Luckily- there is an easy alternative: cocao. Cocao is still high in calories (bit not sugar) and should be eaten in moderation, but its a whole lot better than a Hershey bar.

Cocao is high in fiber which is great for your digestive regulation. Polyphenols aid in cardiovascular health, serving as antioxidants and keeping the arteries leading to your heart and brain healthy. It can also lower your LDL or "bad cholesterol". The polyphenols and fiber mixed together can regulate blood pressure and glucose levels. Flavonoids can interfere with the development of cancer and improve conditions in those already suffering from cancer. Those are all great reasons to add some cocao to your diet.

My latest way to use cocao:

Chocolate Caramel Cookie Bars

(Raw, vegan, gluten free)

Cookie Layer:
1 cup raw Cashews
1/4 cup raw Honey
sprinkling of Salt (to taste)

Pour all ingredients into food processor and mix until fairly smooth (it will still be a little coarse). Spread in the bottom of a greased 9x9 baking dish- I suggest greasing your fingers, it will be sticky. Place in the refrigerator while you prep the next layer.

Caramel Layer:
4 tablespoons Peanut butter
1 cup pitted Dates
4 tablespoons water

Pour all ingredients into food processor and mix until thick and smooth. Spread over cookie layer- I suggest greasing your fingers, it will be sticky. Place in the refrigerator while you prep the next layer.

Chocolate Layer:
3 tablespoons Coconut Oil (melted and cooled)
3 tablespoons raw Honey
4 tablespoons Cocao Powder
2 tablespoons water

Stir until combined. Pour over caramel layer. Place in the refrigerator for a minimum of 30 minutes.

Enjoy! This is really yummy and pretty good for you. Depending on the peanut butter you use, it will unprocessed, low in sodium, and all healthy sugars and fats. Plus its packed with nutrients and protein.

*Keep refrigerated.

Get Natural - Simple, Alternative Hair Products

Its funny how we all want to eat clean, organic food for our health but then use hygiene and beauty products full of crazy chemicals as if they aren't seeping into our skin. Its a slow process, but I'm trying to cut some of those products out of my life. I started with something easy- hair conditioner and a styling product.

Let me start this by explaining that I don't really do anything to my hair. I get highlights once every other year maybe, I run a curling iron through it approximately once a month, I don't use hair spray or straighteners or anything like that. None of this is to make a statement, I just don't do it. After I left college, I got over having big platinum blonde super straight hair.

Flashback to 2008:

Yeah, big difference! I also don't go to tanning salons, drink every weekend, or live in a sorority house anymore. (I loved every second of college, but I'm definitely past it and have a very different lifestyle now)

Anyways, what I'm about to give you isn't a recipe. You don't need to order anything online or cook anything in a pot or anything like that.

For conditioner, I use coconut oil. I don't mix it with anything. When I get in the shower, I put the jar on the floor where the water can run over it to warm it up. Give it a minute or two, there should be just enough coconut oil melted for your hair, a tablespoon or less is perfect. I rub it into the ponytail section of my wet hair. Then I brush my hair all the way from root to end. Leave it in while you finish washing yourself. Rinse your hair really well. Then shampoo thoroughly. Maybe even shampoo twice if you have a lot of hair. The end. Say goodbye to your regular hair conditioner.

The other thing I use is Argan oil. A lot of people and salons are using Moroccan oil on their hair. Its expensive and not pure. Use plain old organic Argan oil instead. Its cheaper and it works better. Pour a tiny bit into your hands, rub it in,  and then run your fingers through your hair just like you would Moroccan oil. 

If you do use lots of products, bleach, and heating tools- I'm not sure how well this will work for you, but try anyways. I just can't guarantee because I haven't tried. Every little bit of garbage chemicals you can cut out of your life will make a difference. As I find more successful, easy organic alternatives I'll share. :)

Wake Up & Salute the Sun

Every Tuesday & Thursday when my alarm goes off at 5:00am, it takes a bit of motivation to get out of bed. Before I leave the house, I tell Simon & Pippa "I'll be back right after class for some more sleep!" After 6 months of teaching at this time, they no longer believe me. I don't think I've gotten back into bed after class since my post-down under jet lag in November. I'm not a morning person. I didn't choose 6:00am because I'm up anyways. I chose it because I wanted to teach and that was the class that was available at the time. If you want something bad enough, you'll make sacrifices for it, and a few hours sleep- not a very big sacrifice if you as me. It didn't take long before I grew to love the class. Practicing yoga first thing in the morning sets you up for a great day.

Unless I'm incredibly busy, I always get to the studios where I teach approximately 30 minutes early. One reason is to avoid being late- I do not believe in stealing people's time with my own tardiness. The other is to open my sacred space and prepare myself to teach. I begin by preparing the studio- set my lighting, light candles, adjust the heat, and set up my music. Then I prepare my body and center my mind. Usually 3-5 sun salutations and a few minutes in headstand will do it. This routine is especially important for my early morning classes. By the time I've finished at 5:45 rolls around, my morning grumpiness has worn off and I'm ready to greet my students and excited to teach class.

A few benefits of teaching early in the morning include:

• Intentional deep breathing in yoga fills your body with oxygen, waking you up more quickly. You might still WANT your coffee after class, but you won't NEED it. You're no longer a slave to caffeine.
• You'll be more centered and ready for a calm and peaceful day regardless of what life throws at you. You're grounded from standing postures, focused from balancing postures, and connected to your body through sun salutations. Depending on where you practice, you've most likely gotten some meditation in as well. 
• If you're generally busy, you'll have your yoga finished before work, so any last minute meetings, car trouble, or exhaustion won't keep you off your mat- you've already got it done! If you want to bring more yoga into your life with two practices a day, you'll have your first practice complete, ready for a second class or home practice in the evening.
• You've set your intention for the day- in most classes, you'll set an intention at the beginning of practice. Maybe your teacher suggests one, maybe you take your own. You've begun your day with a purpose and can spend the rest of your day living by that intention.
• You'll look better on the outside too- regular yoga practice can slow the aging of your organs. All of that health will show outwardly with glowing skin and bright eyes. You've also gotten your metabolism moving before breakfast, promoting weight maintenance or loss depending on your eating habits.

If its not reasonable for you to make it to a yoga class before work, school, or your children wake up- do a home practice- even if its a few sun salutations and an inversion. (See this blog for a shoulder stand tutorial, an inversion thats accessible for most levels).

New to Surya Namaskar A or Sun Salutations? There are several slight variations but basically--

Begin in tadasana, mountain pose: Standing tall, feet hip distance, quads engaged, neutral spine, core engaged, shoulders relaxed, chest open, gaze directly in front of you, corners of the lips turned up :) 

Inhale, urdvha hastasana, upward mountain: Biceps to ears, shoulders stay relaxed

Exhale, uttanasana, forward fold: Swan dive forward, legs remain engaged, weight in the balls of your feet, upper body heavy. 

Inhale, ardha uttanasana, halfway lift: Lift the upper body half way with the bend 100% in hips, chest forward, shoulders relaxed, groin back, long through the upper body, gaze down. If your hands can't stay on the ground. Take them to blocks or your shins (blocks are better for grounding if they're available to you)

Exhale, chaturanga dandasana, four-limbed staff: Step or float back to plank pose, toes tucked under, legs and core engaged, biceps forward, neutral spine. Lower until your arms are at a 90 degree angle -- this is an important and complicated pose with a lot of variations-- please see this blog for an in depth explanation and modifications)

Inhale, urdvha mukha svanasana, upward facing dog. Roll over your toes, tops of the feet in contact with your mat, straighten your arms to a slight bend in the elbows, chest forward and lifted, gaze in front of you

Exhale, adho mukha svanasana, downward facing dog. Hips lift up and back, roll over the toes, feet hip distance, slight bend in the knees, gentle internal rotation of the hips, long neutral spine, shoulder blades relaxed down the back, gaze between your heels. See this blog for help perfecting your down dog.

*Take 5-7 slow and steady breaths in down dog*

Exhale, uttanasana, forward fold: step or float your feet forward- same form. If floating, jump high and land light, taking a big bend in the knees, take off and land with your legs as one unit, land with soft or bent knees and hands remaining grounded.

Inhale, ardha uttanasana, half way lift

Exhale, uttanasana, forward fold

Inhale, urdvha hastasana, upward mountain pose: Reverse swan dive, long through the upper body, spine remains neutral through the transition

Exhale, samastitihi, hands to heart center: same as tadasana with the hands resting in prayer in front of your heart.

Complete a minimum of three salutations, or as many as feel good. Take your time. To make it even better- spend some time in tadasana or samastitihi to center your mind. "Walk the dog" in down dog, bending one knee and then the other, moving the hips back and forth, doing what feels natural and beneficial to you. Hang in forward fold for a few or several breaths, shake your head yes and no, shift you upper body left and right. Again, do what feels good or natural. When you're done, you might feel inspired to continue your practice, either way you'll be more alert, centered, and ready for your day to begin. :)

For a full clip of Surya Namaskar A:

This clip will show you first from a front view, and then from the side- the first rounds show a step back, the second shows a float back. Listen for the strong ujjayi breath in and out through the nose.

"Take a Vinyasa or Go Back to Down Dog"

Throughout the day, we all need a reset button. Everyone's is different. Some of us can simply close our eyes and take a few deep breathes, sometimes we need to remove ourselves from the situation, take a walk, get a drink of water, use the bathroom if only for a few quiet moments. When I was a school teacher, I loved my 40-minute commute back to the city, it reset me after an exciting day in the classroom.

In vinyasa yoga, we have a traditional reset button as well- as you may hear your teacher say over and over "take a vinyasa" "go through your vinyasa" "exhale step or float back to chaturanga, inhale urdvha mukha svanasana, exhale adho mukha svanasana". Sometimes, as students, we need to listen to our bodies and go straight back to down dog (adho mukha svanasana) because that is the reset button we need.

This is a quick sequence- one breath, one movement so its easy to lose your alignment if it isn't ingrained in you. Lets take it step be step.


1. Exhale, Chaturanga, high to low push up: four options based on level

• [Level one] Begin with your hands grounded on the mat. Step one foot back, followed by the other for plank pose (see steps one and two in this blog). Lower your knees to the mat, hips stay high, elbows brush your ribs as you lower your chest in-between your hands, chin to the mat, gaze forward (four points of contact- toes, knees, chest, and chin) -- this is a modification called "knees-chest-chin" or "cat bow" -- I always offer this for the first vinyasa or two

• [Level two] Begin with your hands grounded on the mat. Step one foot back, followed by the other for plank pose. Lower your knees to the mat. Core engaged and upper body in one straight line from knees to head, bend your elbows, brushing your ribs to a 90 degree angle. Gaze straight down to the mat--- If your arms aren't strong enough, you can lower all the way to the mat with control.

• [Level four] Begin with your hands grounded on the mat. Step one foot back, followed by the other for plank pose.  Core engaged and upper body in one straight line from heels to head, lower from high to low plank by bending your elbows to brush your ribs, holding at a 90 degree angle. Gaze straight down to the mat.

• [Level five] Begin with your hands grounded on the floor. Engage the core, jump straight back to low plank (elbows at a 90 degree angle). Jump with both legs at one time, land light. Gaze straight down to the mat. If you cannot land in a perfect low push up, please hold off on this level. 

*Important note: Your shoulders must be externally rotated to avoid injury. If your elbows are internally rotated, your elbows splay out to the sides, this can cause elbow injury. In chaturanga, you want to plug your shoulders into the sockets, turning the eyes of your elbows forward so that when you bend your elbows, they brush your ribs.

2. Inhale, Urdvha Mukha Svanasana, upward facing dog:

• From chaturanga, roll over the toes so that the tops of your feet are in contact with your mat. Press your hands in to the mat to lift your chest forward and up- sternum facing the front of the room and collar bones wide.  Elbows straighten to a slight bend (not locked). Quadriceps lift off the mat. Shoulders relax away from the ears (no shrugging). Gaze directly in front of you.

3. Exhale, Adho Mukha Svanasana, downward facing dog:

• Lift the hips up and back, gently melting your chest toward your thighs. Keep the external rotation of your shoulders and relax them away from your ears, blares melting down your back. Bend your knees slightly and internally rotate your hips. Keep your ribs tucked in and a long straight spine. Lift and spread the sits bones. Gaze in between your heels. Relax your calves. lowering your heels toward the mat; they do not need to touch.
• For a more detailed explanation, see this blog.

To see the full expression of a vinyasa carried out in real time, see this video:

Vinyasas are a demanding reset button. Feel free to skip any or all in your classes, depending on how your body feels. Your practice is about what your body is craving. Take your own level in chaturanga, moving to the next level before you are ready can only hurt you- don't sacrifice your body for your ego. If you don't want to miss other poses but need a break, vinyasas are a great time to take child's pose.

Superfood Smoothie

Superfood Smoothie

Ingredients
1 Banana
1 cup Blueberries
1/2 cup Almond Milk
1 tablespoon Almond Butter (or nut butter of your choice)
1 tablespoon Chia Seeds
2 tablespoons Unsweetened Shredded Coconut
1 tablespoon Maca Root Powder
1/4 cup Cocao Nibs
1 handful Greens of your choice- spinach, kale, etc.
Water until desired thickness

Begin by adding the fruit and almond milk. Give it a mix so that nothing else floats to the bottom and sticks there. Follow by adding the remaining ingredients and mixing until smooth. I like to keep my smoothie fruits frozen. If using fresh, add some ice. The cocao nibs will stay a bit crunchy, I like that- it makes the smoothie feel a bit heartier and more filling.

This is a full on breakfast smoothie with the calories to match a hearty breakfast. If you're using it as a snack, drink in smaller portions, maybe add more water or ice to dilute it. It will keep you full and fueled up until lunch time- even then, you might only desire a light lunch depending on your metabolism. The difference between this breakfast vs. pancakes/bacon/cereal/eggs is- this breakfast is crazy full of nutrients. There was a time when I was so afraid of calories that I would stray from really nutritious meals such as this one. My smoothies were berries, water, and greens- the end. Those are also nutritious and I still drink them, but they aren't meals. The calorie count is really low and you need to supplement with some nuts or something to bulk it up enough to keep you full longer than 30 minutes.

Some of the great benefits of this smoothie include (by ingredient):

Banana

• Contain tryptophan which converts to serotonin, helping you overcome the blues
• Helps sustain blood sugar, no crashing!
• Counteracts calcium loss during urination, build stronger bones

Blueberries

• Anthocyanins attack free radicals, helping to reduce the risk of cancer
• Flavonoids help reduce age-related memory loss
• Antioxidants keep your skin looking youthful by blocking pre-mature aging

Almond Milk

• Manganese, copper, and riboflavin produce energy
• Vitamin E and Magnesium help lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart attacks
• High in fiber for healthy digestion

Almond Butter

• Helps lower blood pressure
• High in protein for strong muscles, also keeps you full longer
• Omega 3 fatty acids for metabolic health

Chia Seeds

• High in calcium for strong bones
• The combination of fiber and protein helps you feel fuller longer
• Increases HDL or "good cholesterol"

Coconut

• A great source of iron for blood cell oxygenation
• Zinc for strength and health of your immune system
• Short and medium chain fatty acids for heart health

Maca Root Powder

• Promotes sexual function in men and women- boosts libido and endurance
• Relieves menstrual and menopausal symptoms such as cramps, pain, moods swings, and hot flashes- AVOID IF PREGNANT OR BREAST FEEDING
• Helps skin deal with extreme temperatures by reducing sensitivity

Cocao Nibs

• Promotes endorphin release, the body's natural opiate (the cause of chocoholism!)
• Magnesium promotes circulation
• Theobromine stimulates the nervous system for a similar but more healthy result as caffeine

Greens (depends on what you choose, but...)

• Rich in fiber, great for weight loss!
• Great source of calcium with no added unhealthy fats or casein (LIKE COWS MILK) to prevent osteoporosis 
• Vitamin C for collagen growth, keeping your skin looking young

Water

• Kidney health to free the body of toxins
• Maintain balance of body fluids
• Energized muscles

Are those enough benefits for you? If you do some research you'll find a lot more benefits, also overlap between the different ingredients, multiplying the benefits. :) 

I repeat this a lot, but I am neither a nutritionist (although I'd love to go back to school for it!) or a doctor- I am but a health enthusiast and super foodie sharing my knowledge gained through my own research

Vegan Blueberry Banana Muffins

When Simon and I first met, he would tell me things were "just across the road" and like a silly girl, I would believe him. After walking for 20 minutes, we'd arrive at our destination. I don't mind walking, in fact- I love walking. If its above 40 degrees Fahrenheit and less than an hour walk away, I'll walk. That was a great thing about living in downtown Chicago, I walked everywhere. However, I like to be prepared for my walk. It took some time until I realized that nothing is actually just across the road when Simon says it is- not the grocery store, not the fish and chips shop, not the bus stop. "Just across the road" from our house here in Rowayton, there is a little deli called "White Bridge Deli". This place is maybe a 5 minute walk from our house, if there wasn't a river in between, it really would be just across the road. Simon and I love White Bridge Deli, or as we call it- Michael's. Michael, the owner, is a really nice guy and makes REALLY good egg and cheese sandwiches. He makes a lot of other things too, but Simon and I always go for breakfast, even if its 2 in the afternoon. Since giving up dairy and eggs, I can no longer get my beloved Micheal's breakfast. This weekend when Simon walked over there for his sandwich, I was really disappointed. If he was having Michaels, there wasn't a chance I was having cereal or a piece of fruit. 

I've had a few negative experiences with vegan baking. Things turn out dense, too dry, too moist, bland. Last weekend I did not have a poor experience. I had really awesome muffins:

Vegan Blueberry Banana Muffins

(makes 12)

Ingredients

1 tablespoon flax seed (chia work as well)

3 tablespoons water

2 cups whole wheat flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/3 cup white sugar*

1/3 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup almond/soy/coconut milk, your choice

1 whole overripe banana

1 cup blueberries (frozen are fine)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Add flax seeds and water to a small bowl, let sit for a few minutes. In a large bowl, mix flour salt and sugars. Add mashed banana, vanilla, and milk to your flax mixture and mix together. Combine with dry ingredients. Stir until completely combined. Gently fold in blueberries. (IMPORTANT) Oil your baking cups or tin. As this recipe is oil free, it is very sticky. Pour batter into 12 muffins. Cook for 20 minutes. Enjoy!

*Note: Not all sugar is vegan, most regular white sugar at the grocery store uses animal bone to crush it into fine granules. Do your research if this is important to you, typically beet sugar (tastes the same) is vegan, amongst others

Raw Vegan Almond Butter, Coconut & Chocolate Bark

Its Valentine's weekend. This separates the world into two kinds of people. There are those who are attached. That means a weekend of romance, flowers, dates, pressure to accomplish the first three on this list or possibly suffer a fight. Then there are those who are single. The movies make this seem like a sad time for those who are unattached and maybe some are, but from what I see of those around me, its time for friendship, parties, and a celebration of your relationship with yourself. There is one thing that unites both ends of the spectrum on Valentine's Day and thats CHOCOLATE. Whether you get a box from your date, your mom, steal some out of your child's Valentine's bag, or buy it for yourself- Valentine's day is an excuse to indulge in chocoholism.

Then there are people like me. As a vegan, I can't have most commercial chocolate, certainly none that can be found at the grocery store. Because I know how to read labels properly, I can find one or two bars at Whole Foods that don't contain dairy but Simon is terrified to buy me any food other than an apple in fear it will contain dairy or egg under a secretive name. So I decided to make my own chocolate this Valentine's Day...

Raw Vegan Almond Butter, Coconut & Chocolate Bark

Ingredients:

2/3 cup Cocao powder

1/2 cup Coconut Oil

1/3 cup Shredded Unsweetened Raw Coconut 

5 tablespoons Maple Syrup

3/4 Cup Almond Butter (approximate)

1. Mix first 4 ingredients.
2. Line 8x8 pan with parchment paper. Pour half chocolate mixture into the pan.
3. Freeze for 20 minutes or until hardened.
4. Spread almond butter over chocolate.
5. Pour remaining chocolate over almond butter.
6. Freeze for 1 hour.
7. Break into pieces and eat!

A few notes:
1. Keep refrigerated or the chocolate will soften and be very messy
2. Not all almond butter is raw, if you care about this- read the label or grind your own at the store or at home- my juicer has a nut butter setting, maybe yours does too!
3. Use 100% maple syrup, the other stuff is filled with artificial ingredients
4. cocao powder is expensive but will last a long time, amazon.com is probably the cheapest place to get it

This stuff is SO GOOD. Its rich too, so you don't need a lot to be satisfied :)

Practicing Satya Does Not License You to be an A--hole

I've been talking a lot this week about honesty, or the yama of "satya". Yoga encourages us to "speak our truth". Not every truth is sunshine and rainbows. Its not supposed to be that way. But how many times have you heard a negative person say something rude and follow it up with, "I'm not a b--ch, I'm just honest". Well yeah, you are honest- but you're also a b--ch. Practicing satya does not license you to be an a--hole.

While delivering truth, its important to practice "ahimsa" or non-violence. This requires you to deliver your truth gently. A simple example, rather than telling your sister "You look fat in that shirt", you can opt for a kinder "I think you'd look nicer in your red sweater". Easy peasy, you were honest and you didn't hurt your sister's feelings.

Observing sutra 2.36 "To one established in truthfulness, actions and their results become subservient", Sri Swami Satchidananda says: "If by being honest we will cause trouble, difficulty or harm to anyone, we should keep quiet." Does that sound familiar? I believe Thumper's mother said it much more simply "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Lets backtrack, because you shouldn't spend your whole life silent, holding back your violent and negative thoughts. Start at the beginning. Drop the negative thoughts. If something doesn't serve you- LET IT GO. Anger and cynicism won't improve your life. If somebody is effecting your life negatively, reevaluate your relationship with that person. Rather than going home and expressing your angry thoughts of them, reduce the amount of time you spend with them or stop seeing them altogether. If that's not possible, listen to them speak but don't let their attitude effect you, creating anger. Don't let them get to you and bring negativity into your fantastic life. If you cut out the negative thoughts, you have no reason to keep anything to yourself- you can live honestly and speak your truth while practicing ahimsa.

That's difficult and takes practice. It also takes presence. The easiest way to let something go is to jump out of the past and live in the moment. How can something bother you if its over and you're fully focused on your present activity?

The take home message here is: Be honest, but have a kind heart. If you act authentically and from a kind place, you can't go wrong.

Honesty & Shoulder Stand

Like most people, I dislike conflict. I don't even like to tell people that they're wrong. I will go along with some fake truth that somebody else believes until I have myself so far down the wrong path that I have no idea how to continue. In 7th grade, somehow my biology teacher got the idea that my mom grew up on a Danish farm. I promise you that I never told her this. My mom is of Danish descent and lived on a hobby farm for a short time as an adult, but this is far from what the teacher imagined. She asked me if I grew up speaking Danish, had I visited my mother's homeland, did she speak English well, tell her about the farm. I really didn't want to tell my teacher that she had the wrong impression, so I went along with it. I let her believe something 100% untrue just so that she wouldn't feel stupid for a millisecond, if at all, had I corrected her immediately. This isn't uncommon for me. Up until recently, I'd go along with anything somebody believed to save them the embarrassment of being wrong. I only let my husband be wrong ;)

These lies are all white, nobody got hurt, and most likely they didn't effect anybody's lives other than having a few incorrect facts. This still holds me back from speaking my truth and being 100% authentic. One of the eight limbs of yoga is the Yamas and Niyamas. Put simply, these are rules on how to live and not to live. One of the yamas is "satya", or truth. We should live our lives being true to who we are, honest about our thoughts and actions, and forthright with our intentions.

This can be hard, sometimes its hard to discover exactly how to feel or which path you really want to take. You've spent so much time conforming your opinions, hiding your authentic personality, and stifling your urges that its hard to let that guard down. It can be scary to soften your heart and let people know exactly who you are. It can be even scarier to be honest with yourself about who you really are. So many people try to be a shiny, pretty version or an alternative, rebellious version of themselves. They put up the act for so long that they begin to believe it. They can't figure out why they're so unhappy; its because they aren't being honest with themselves about who they truly are. As a 20-something, I'm at the turning point of figuring out who I am or stifling it and living an unhappy adulthood. I see a lot of people who don't figure out who they really are until they're 50 or 60 or never. Sometimes you meet a 15 year old who's already figured it out. Stop living unhappily because you haven't started living the life you love. Start letting your guard down today. Follow your impulses, speak what is true, stand up for what you believe in, and have some FUN. Find joy throughout your day because you are being yourself.

For today's tutorial we have shoulder stand, which activates your Ajna or third eye chakra and vishuddha or throat chakra. Both are essential to truthfulness. A balanced ajna chakra keeps you calm and focused, able to follow your path. A balanced vishuddha chakra allows proper intuition and communication, you can speak your truth.

Shoulder Stand / Sarvangasana

Begin lying on your back, arms at your sides and palms face down. Lift your legs perpendicular to the ground. Engage your core and press your hands into the floor to lift your hips off the ground and place your hands on your low back to urge your whole upper body perpendicular. Walk your elbows close to one another for stability. Lengthen your neck to allow space in your throat for breathing. The ideal is for your feet to stack over your hips, hips stacking over your shoulders. Breath deeply through the nose in this pose for as long as you can hold it. Recommended is 3-5 minutes, advanced is 15 minutes.

Supported Shoulder Stand

Lay on the floor with your legs resting against the wall. Bend your knees, placing the soles of your feet into the wall and press through your feet to lift your hips. Take your hands to your low back, elbows in close for stability. Either stay here or try taking one or both feet off the wall, straightening your legs and stacking feet over hips, hips over shoulders. Hold for as long as feels good.

This is a great way to end your practice before entering savasana. Its a more accessible inversion for those of you who see no need or are not ready for headstand quite yet.

Sunshine in a Jar

February can be brutal. By now, those of us closer to the poles than the equators who don't ski have been stuck inside for months. We haven't seen the sun longer than the amount of time it takes to sprint from the car to whatever indoor establishment you're forced to leave your house for. The exciting snow storms of December have become nothing but a hassle. Too many school days and yoga class have been cancelled and our backs hurt from shoveling. We are all out of TV shows worth weekend marathons and running on a treadmill makes us yearn for our warm weather trails. Most of us can use a little cheering up. Enter, a delicious, vitamin-rich homemade juice.

Sunshine in a Jar

(makes one medium juice)

Ingredients:

1/3 Grapefruit, peeled

1 Cara Cara Orange, peeled (or your preferred orange- Cara Cara are my #1 favorite)

1 Green Apple, seeded

3 Carrots

1/2 Cucumber

Wash your ingredients and put them in your juicer. Then drink.

Health Benefits:

• Beta-carotene and lutein protect your retinas for healthy night vision
• Vitamin A promotes lung health, can reduce the risk of emphysema for smokers
• Lowers insulin, helping, convert sugar to insulin rather than storing as fat
• Salicylic acid helps break down calcium build up in the joints, preventing arthritis
• Vitamin C helps reduce respiratory conditions such as asthma

These are just a few of the hundreds of benefits I've found from the ingredients of this juice, besides its great taste.


*I'm not a doctor or a nutritionist. The information I provide is based on research from outside sources.

The 3rd Grade Spelling Bee and Downward Facing Dog

When my brother Wesley and I were kids, my mom would enter us in the local spelling bee at Morraine Valley Community College in Palos Hills. I loved the spelling bee. I was the kind of kid who got to color or play "MASH" during the spelling post-test because I aced the pre-test. I vividly remember sitting with on my mom's bed with her, holding a dictionary while she quizzed my brother and I on words to prepare for the spelling bee (we have an awesome mom who has always put more emphasis on spending time with us than anything else in the world). With me, she would practice more difficult words that might appear in the later rounds, thinking I'd get the easy ones with no problem. All I remember of my brother is practicing the word "library" because he pronounced it "li-berry". When the spelling bee arrived, we both felt prepared. I made it through the first couple rounds with no problems. Fairly early in the competition, I got the word "canyon" and  confidently walked up to the podium spelling "C-A-N-I-O-N" like "onion". I was so focused on the more difficult words that I completely missed a word that simple phonics could have sounded out for me.

Why am I telling you about my childhood spelling bee defeat in my yoga blog? FOUNDATION. If I would have focused on the foundations of spelling, rather than immediately focusing on tricky words and exceptions, I would have been much better off. The same goes with yoga. Learn proper alignment in basic poses and the muscle memory will help poses that require additional balance, flexibility, and strength come  (more) easily. So where are we starting? 

Downward Facing Dog aka Down Dog aka Adho Mukha Svanasana

In a vinyasa yoga class, you will enter more down dogs than any other pose. Its a "resting pose", but it doesn't always feel that way. Down dog is mainly used after a "vinyasa" (I'll explain in a later blog) to reset the body in between "mini sequences" (short sets of choreographed poses to open, strengthen, and/or create heat, a vinyasa class is made up of several mini sequences). It is also used at the beginning of class to start opening the joints and muscles. I see this pose improperly executed in many classes, sometimes by people who fancy themselves advanced yogis. Just like the spelling bee, start with a strong foundation and you'll be more prepared for everything that comes after. Unless you take a beginners class (and you should!), your teacher may not have time to fully explain this pose.

1. Begin in plank pose: Hands shoulder distance apart with the fingers spread to a comfortable distance, middle or index finger pointing to the front of the room (you'll hear both, go with what is more comfortable for you). Hands are placed directly under the shoulders, which are externally rotated; turn the eyes of the elbows forward, triceps back. Press into the mat with the base knuckles of your index finger and thumb.  Engage all ten finger tips. Shoulder blades soften down the back. 

2.Toes tuck under with the feet hip distance from one another. Spine is neutral and long, as much space as possible between the crown of the head and the soles of your feet, gaze between the thumbs.

3. Keep your hands and feet exactly where they are. Fight the urge to walk your hands in. Lift the hips up and back, gently melting the chest toward you thighs. Keep the external rotation of your shoulders and relax them away from your ears, blades melting down your back. Bend your knees slightly and internally rotate your hips, gently "pigeon toe-ing" your feet; you should not be able to see your heels. Keep the ribs tucked in and a long straight spine. Your low back with naturally want to round to go "deeper" into the pose, avoid this by lifting the sits bones higher and and even further from your shoulders, almost creating an arch in the low back. Gaze between your heels. Relax your calves, lowering your heels toward the mat. Its okay if your heels don't touch the mat- I practice daily and mine usually don't touch until the end of class, if at all.

Its a lot to think about for a "resting pose". Keep doing it right and your body will memorize the form. Keeping your arms in proper alignment will help you nail your handstand later in your practice. Proper alignment of the hips will open them for deeper stretches. Proper alignment through the legs will help you with every standing pose. Be patient with yourself. The basics are important.

Modifications: 

• If you're new to yoga, this might be a lot on your wrists. Thats why we press through the knuckles and finger tips. That will immediately remove some pressure. If that isn't enough, move to a wall, use the exact alignment with your hands placed on the wall. Next, move back to the mat and place your hands on blocks, putting more weight into your lower body.
• If you have very tight hips or hamstrings, keeping the proper alignment of the low back and hips will be more difficult for you. Rather than sacrificing form, bend your knees more. Bend them a lot if you need to. Its better to keep the alignment than have straight legs.

Are you wondering how Wesley did in the spelling bee? He did end up getting the word "library". He was so determined to remember that first "R" that he spelled "L-I-B-R-A-Y", as in "li-bray". We still laugh about it and occasionally pronounce it "li-bray" at my moms house.

Hip Opening & Surrender

My life's intention is presence. Taking a slight spin on that, my intention this week has been surrender. Sometimes surrender is looked at as giving up, it's a weakness. I disagree. Giving up is giving up, surrender is fully accepting your life situation. The more quickly we surrender and accept our life situations, the more quickly we will find joy.

This applies to our whole lives. Big things- surrendering to the fact that your career choice may not lead you to riches, once that is accepted- you can find happiness in the joys of your career, that you've stayed true to what is important to you, and that you still find a way to house, clothe, and feed your family. Surrender to the loss of a loved one, when you fully accept, you can find joy in your memories of that person, your continued love for them, and the ability to pass on the knowledge they instilled in you. Surrender to the big happinesses in life. When you take a beautiful hike and reach a gorgeous view, surrender to the moment. Stop judging, stop saying "I can't wait to come back here". YOU ARE HERE. Enjoy. Take it all in, using all of your senses. Surrender to time spent with your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends. When you fully surrender to the moment, you'll enjoy and appreciate them. You'll create stronger bonds and deepen your relationships.

Surrender on the small scale too. Surrender to traffic. Surrender to waking up at 5:00am. Surrender to eating healthy. Surrender to eating cake! Surrender to laziness and business. Surrender to the long line at the grocery store. Surrender to the joy of your team winning the Super Bowl or that your team didn't make it. When we surrender on the small scale, we create room for joy, celebration, or simply peace.

Take it to your mat. Surrender to holding warrior II for 10 breaths. Surrender to the fact that you still can't hold handstand or the joy of finally getting it. Surrender in pigeon pose. Especially pigeon pose.

Practice surrender on your mat this week. A great way to do this is through hip opening. Opening any tight joint will require surrender. Finally loosening those muscles, sending your breathe there to help break down any staleness. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Surrender to it. Hip openers also force you to surrender to emotion. Do you ever feel angry, scared, sad, or anxious in pigeon pose? You're opening your psoas muscle, which can trigger your fight/flight response. Until that muscle begins to loosen up and relax, you'll encounter this emotion. Surrender to it. Any emotion that arrises, take a deep breathe and fully accept it.

Here are some great poses for surrender, hold each for at least one minute taking deep, full breaths in and out through your nose:

Pigeon Pose / Eka Pada Rajakapotasana

Begin in downward facing dog. Lift one leg for three-legged dog. Bring the lifted leg forward with your hip externally rotated, so that your knee is wider than your hip and toes toward the wrist of your opposite hand. Lower your shin and then hips to the mat. Untuck the back toes and internally rotate the back hip so that the top of your back leg and foot are flat to the floor, all the way to your pinky toe. Hips are square, like 9 & 3 on a clock. The ideal is for your front shin to be parallel with the front of your mat. This isn't necessary or even attainable for a lot of people. Once your lower body is set up, place your hands wider than shoulder distance and extend the upper body tall. Lead with your chest and walk your hands toward the front of the mat. Once you've made your upperbody as long as possible, surrender into the stretch. Place your forehead on the mat, a block, a folded up blanket, whatever. Relax your shoulders and jaw. Repeat with the opposite leg.

Modify: Place an evenly rolled up blanket under your hips if they do not reach the floor beneath you.

Squat / Malasana

Begin in tadasana (mountain pose). Heel-toe your feet approximately mat distance. If your hips don't like to open this way (like mine), turn your toes out to a 45 degree angle. Lower to a forward fold, then bend your knees lowering your hips. Keep your heels on the mat and lift your upper body, crown of the head extending toward the ceiling and chest forward. Elbows come to your inner knees helping the external rotation of your hips, shoulders relax. Maybe take your hands to heart center. Relax your glutes and quads. Surrender to the pose. Or surrender to the fact that this pose requires you to pet your dog.

Modify: Place an evenly rolled up blanket under your heels or sit on a block.

 Fire Log Pose / Agnistambhasana

Begin in an easy seated position directly on the middle of your sits bones. No hunching of the back, sit on an evenly folded blanket if this is difficult for you. Place one shin on top of the other, totally parallel. Its okay if your top leg doesn't lay flush to your bottom. Feet past the opposite knee. Flex your feet and sit up tall. Place your hands on the mat in front of you, lead with the chest as you walk your hands forward. Repeat with the opposite leg on top.

Modify: Sit on an evenly folded up blanket or a block.

Reclined Bound Angle Pose / Supta Baddha Konasana

My all-time favorite pose. Place the soles of your feet together, knees wide. Lay on your back with your palms facing up and relax your entire body. Close your eyes and easily find surrender.

Modify: Place blocks underneath your knees.

Make this your intention this week. Surrender to each breath, each experience, each pose, each success, and each failure. Maybe surrender to the idea that you just created a blog with pictures and didn't bother to brush your hair first :)

Purple Drink

Well, here we are- day one of my venture back into plant-based eating. To celebrate, Simon and I went to Candle 79 in NYC. He isn't delving into veganism with me, but he is supportive- especially since I've agreed to take one day per week off.

One of the great things I've discovered since journeying into a healthy lifestyle is homemade juice. I typically go with a green juice, but sometimes I have a little fun and try new things. Here is a recipe for the juice I made yesterday:

Purple Drink (Makes one extra large or two medium juices)
1 blood orange (peeled)
1 cup watermelon
1/4 head purple cabbage
1 green apple
1 small beet (with greens)
1 inch ginger

This juice was nice and just sweet enough. Honestly- it has more sugar than the green juices I usually stick with, but its okay to have some fun, especially if you're reducing your processed sugar intake.

Health benefits of this juice include:

• Potassium helps regulate blood pressure
• High in antioxidants
• Balances oxygen use to help the body respond better to exercise
• Vitamin C aids the body in absorbing Calcium
• Reduces inflammation
• Alkalizes to help balance body's pH
• Clears mirocirculatory channels including stuffy noses
• SO MANY MORE- I've mentioned about 1/10th of the information from the small amount of research I've done

Note: I have a cold-press (masticating) juicer, so I get tons of juice out of my produce. If you have a centrifugal juicer, you'll get less. Please be aware of this when figuring out your portions. If you are in the market for a juicer, I suggest a cold-press. They can be a bit pricier, but if you're already shelling out a couple hundred dollars on a juicer, you should do it right and get the most out of your produce- which will save you money in the long run (produce isn't cheap!). Your juice will also last longer and holds onto the maximum amount of nutrients :)

Note #2: Store your juices in air tight containers and drink them within 36-hours. As your juices oxidize, you'll lose nutrients. I store my juices in large mason jars and fill them up to the very top to minimize oxygen exposure.

Animal Free for February

"The answer isn't another pill, the answer is spinach."

I've floated between vegetarianism, pescetarianism, white meat only, and veganism since I was 17 years old. To be honest, I was never a fan of meat, I was always a "one more bite of chicken" kind of a kid. My parents didn't eat red meat or pork, so I didn't try it until I accidentally ate a real hot dog as a pre-teen, thinking all hotdogs were made of turkey (like the ones my mom bought). And as much as I love animals, saving animals is just an added benefit for me. I'm into a no-meat lifestyle totally selfishly, to keep myself healthy. Since September, I've been a pescetarian, following eight months of 6-day per week veganism (pizza and ice-cream on Sundays). Why did I start eating fish and dairy again? Because I live in coastal Connecticut and lobster is served at every restaurant. I also love salads topped with wild salmon or sword fish. I didn't suddenly decide that it was healthy to eat fish and dairy- I got complacent and let my love of seafood and ice cream get the best of me.

Since September- I've gained a bit of weight (still in the middle of my "healthy range", I was skating the bottom edge as a vegan), I often feel heavy after meals, and overall just haven't felt as good as I did while eating animal product free 6-days per week. The final push, last week I found a lump in my breast. I went to the doctor immediately, got an ultrasound, I'm 100% healthy. However, my doctor told (reminded) me that to greatly reduce my chances of anything suspicious happening in my body, I should reduce the amount of animal fat I consume. And that I am doing.

The timing is perfect. Friday begins the Chinese New Year- year of the Horse, its supposed to be a good one! And Saturday begins February, the shortest but most miserable month of the year for those of us who experience weather below 30 degrees fahrenheit. And so I'm resuming my (minimum of) one month as a 6-day per week vegan. I urge everyone reading this to join me- can't make it 6-days a week? Make it 5 or 2 or 1, maybe do what my mom does and eat vegan until dinner time.

I'm giving you some advance notice so that you can do a few things:
1. Plan to eat some of your meat and dairy today, get it out of the house- or give it away.
2. Go shopping (for whole food ingredients, limit your pasta intake)
3. Do some research, amp yourself up
4. Plan, plan, plan

Here is some advice on surviving veganism:
1. Watch Forks Over Knives. The creators of Forks Over Knives are actually doctors, I'm just a health enthusiast- they are much more knowledgeable and convincing than I am. You can rent it for $3.99 OR if you have Netflix, its on there for free- go visit a friend with Netflix and watch it together if you don't have your own subscription or feel like spending $3.99.
2. Find some great recipes. My favorite vegan recipe blog is Oh She Glows. There are hundreds of vegan recipe blogs online, do a google search or check Pinterest. I'll share some throughout the month as well. Vegan cooking can be a fun challenge.
3. Plan your cheat days: Actually look at a calendar. I usually go with Sunday but I know Simon and I are going on our Valentines date on Feb 15th so that week, I'll choose Saturday for my cheat day.
4. Don't wait until its too late to go grocery shopping.
5. Buy some lazy meals, Amy's microwave meals taste pretty good for days when you can't bring yourself to cook dinner.
6. Dine out at vegan restaurants. There are some awesome vegan restaurants in Chicago and New York. If you're going to a non-vegan restaurant, do some research and look at the menu before you go. Is there nothing on the menu for you? Modify a dish or make that your cheat day.
7. Remind yourself "I will eat ice cream again, but today is not that day".
8. Pack lots of food in your lunch box, you'll be hungrier than usual!
9. Don't think about what you can't have- think about the exciting new recipes or gorgeous fruits and veggies you can have.
10. Try new things. Try one new fruit or vegetable a week. In the last year I've discovered that beet juice is awesome, I love asparagus, Christmas melon is SO good, mangos are delicious in salsa, and I hate eggplant (not everything is a success, sorry).

To be honest, veganism isn't THAT hard. Its as hard as you make it.

"If You Can Control Your Mind, You Can Control Everything"

Sutra 1.2 Yogas citta vrtti nirodhah - The restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is Yoga.

My main goal in life is to stay fully present, all the time. I suggest this intention in every yoga class I teach- if no other intention is calling you today, choose presence. Its so important for a happy and peaceful life.  Take a minute now, or 30 seconds, or an hour and clear your mind, absorb the world around you and don't label it. How awesome was that? It feels so good- and nothing is even happening! No actions, no conversations- just you. Its an amazing feeling to be totally present- but its a hard thing to maintain. Although this is something I place a lot of emphasis on, I find myself out of the moment more often than I'm in it.

A lot of us enjoy certain activities because they bring us to the present moment. I love challenging yoga poses because they allow me to focus on nothing else, the second my mind strays- I fall right out of it. Thrill seekers -mountain climbers, bungee jumpers, scuba divers- are just presence seekers. Placing themselves in a dangerous situation is exhilarating because they aren't focused on anything except what is happening at that exact moment- they are 100% present. The same goes for all activities -cooking, gardening, basketball, whatever- people truly enjoy their hobbies because those are the activities that get them lost in the moment.

It is outside of those presence-facilitiating activities that we get caught up, frustrated, stressed out, and unhappy. When we are challenged with something we do not enjoy, we create fluctuations in our minds. We pin blame on the people around us or get down on ourselves. We come up with reasons why things are so terrible. Next time you're in a situation like that, come back to the moment and ask yourself "Am I okay, right now?" Don't worry about an hour from now or a second from now, just right this moment. The answer is probably yes. As this is my yoga blog- here's an on-the-mat example: I think warrior II is just the most awful pose. Its important, basic, and strength building, but its HARD. When I'm in class and a teacher makes us hold warrior II, I often get mad or worried. I think things like "This is going to exhaust me and I won't be able to try something more fun and challenging later in class, this class sucks" or "This teacher is an asshole, I don't see them holding this pose for this long". What? How did I get so angry about a yoga pose? Because I wasn't staying present. During the classes when I remember to stay fully present, I'm able to ask myself if I'm okay right that second and the answer is almost always yes- I can hold the pose longer, I'm no longer angry at the teacher, and I very rarely leave a class with sore quads. If I'm no longer okay, all I have to do is straighten my front leg, no reason for anger or worry.

So how can you take this off the mat? Try staying present when somebody says something to make you angry- is it changing your life in a negative way, right this minute? Usually the answer is no, you're fine. If the answer is yes, there is no reason for anger. Stay present, state your objection and move on. When you're fully present, its much easier to control your reactions.

Another place we often lose presence is in the absence of action. We get bored, our minds wander, we end up doing something non-productive like watching garbage TV just to keep our minds active. Well knock it off, be okay with inaction. Keep your mind clear, and just enjoy the moment. Another on-the-mat example: A teacher puts me into a really nice comfortable pose and instead of enjoying it, I start thinking of how the teacher described this so I can use is it in my next class, or how I really want to try flying crow without a strap, or whether I should go home between yoga and work or just read in my car. All of a sudden the pose is over and I've totally lost out on enjoying this comfortable pose. How often do we get the opportunity to just be comfortable and relax? We almost always waste it. Next time, listen to your teacher and shut your mind off during your restorative poses. Thats where you're get something out of class. Thats how you'll leave your mat totally blissed out.

How can we take that off the mat? Next time you're on a long flight or sitting in traffic or just have nothing to do- don't get frustrated. You're bored and frustrated because you're so used to business that stillness brings you dis-ease. Come back to the moment and you'll actually enjoy that 14-hour flight or 45-minute commute home.

Its difficult to stay fully present all the time. Its a practice that most people will never master in this lifetime, but its something that will bring you bliss. So fill your days with presence-facilitating activities as often as possible. When you can't, try to stay fully present in inaction, while you're exercising, while you're doing monotonous tasks at work- see how it makes you feel. You may end up enjoying your boring job, your commute, your run, or cleaning the kitchen.



*If you're interested in the yoga sutras- a great translation is by Sri Swami Stchidananda, which is the version I use.